I am taking a class with Rev Kathryn Revoir, and almost in passing she mentioned something that is still reverberating for me. It was about Attunement. Or as I call it, getting in tune.
I’ve known for a long time that in my parents’ generation, it was considered best to let a baby cry himself to sleep rather than going to comfort him. The idea was that eventually they learn that crying won’t bring the parents to them. They are using the only communication ability they have at that point. Of course, they actually stop crying because they give up on ever getting the comfort they need.
It Worked, But at a Cost
Those parents were doing what they were taught was right and good at the time, but today it seems rather cruel. Luckily this attitude is mostly a thing of the past.
But this comment went deeper, explaining that and so much more for me.
In the 50s and 60s, Dr. Spock said that parents should make the child adapt, or attune, to their needs rather than the parents attuning to the child’s needs.
Getting in tune this way means that we need to abandon our own inner rhythm, needs and adapt to our caregivers. That’s a good skill to have, but at what cost?
Long Term Effects
For those of us who were brought up that way, it has a long-lasting affect. It means that on a pre-verbal level we learned that our needs would not be met. This really unlocked something I’ve been bumping up against for years. I’ve heard a lot of people talk about not feeling worthy or not feeling good enough, not enough. And none of those terms never rang true for me. I know what I want, that I am worth of having whatever I want, but have just had this sense that it isn’t an option; it isn’t available.
And this comment resonated deeply. Of course I would feel like getting my needs are not an option. Of course it would feel like I am bumping into an invisible barrier, because this is at a pre-verbal level that was hard-wired into my brain as a baby. I don’t know whether I was left to cry myself to sleep, but my mother once told me that when we were children, it was not thought to be healthy to touch your children. So we were only held in order to be bottle-fed and diapered. Today, this sounds quite bizarre, but it is how thousands of my generation were raised. And it explains a lot.
So I asked myself, “How can I reprogram my non-verbal brain to know that I CAN have what I desire?” Can I get re-tune my mind to know the Truth that it is possible to have my needs met?
And a line from the song Nowhere Man came to me, “The world is at your command.” I like this affirmation.
Rather than continuing to be at the world’s command, I can remind myself that the world is at my command. In other words, the universe is a friendly place.I’ve heard that term and used that affirmation before. And now I know it will go much deeper into my subconscious than ever before.
I wonder how many times I will need to tell myself this before it sinks in? I don’t know, but I look forward to breaking through that old belief.
How About You?
Does this resonate with you?
Do you have a favorite way of countering beliefs like this?
If you would like to schedule a session to discuss this or other limiting beliefs, click here.